Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Just Another Day?

Just woke up not so long ago, wasn't really anticipating anything. I didn't even wait for the clock to strike midnight like the past few years.

Maybe... no not maybe. I definitely know a part of me was no longer categorised as fun or young when leaving this infamous, irresponsible, careless, less worrisome age group. It's like a wake up call that yells at you "Hey,  get moving and you aren't get any younger !" What you got to do, you HAVE to do now. 

So if I screw up or even forget something, there won't be anymore excuses for me now because there are none left.

Despite all that negativity floating in my mind as we speak of this instance, I feel the same. 

"Age is just a number",  I repeat when in doubt. I know I'm not like that ! 

Not boring nor lost it's lustre kind of person and not even a used to be



I just lost my footing it seems, just for now.  

 A crummy job that lacks motivation. Well we all heard this one, it's because my boss can't seem to realise the potential I have. I will talk more about my sickly frustrating job in an up coming post, dishing out the dirt and such. I am really excited about this one and   oh.... how it will truly relax my mind :)

 Minor problems with friends, and those that I thought were friends. Guess we all have been there...

 Independence issues and life goals? Not trying to fill a page here. I think everyone, has this problem.

Sure, I have some ups and downs and most of them are downs frankly speaking. 
Well, it's sad that I had to learn things the hard way and it puts a toll on you. Could this be the cause of not being so excited? Knowing more obstacles are ahead?


In fact, I made my Birthday on Facebook invisible. Just so I know who my real friends were, I was surprised and disappointed at the same time. Not pointing fingers here, but maybe I will, some deserve the credit 

I also did this, just so I didn't get so much attention on a Birthday that I wasn't really looking forward to. It was like a threshold of my Childishness and surpassing it meant serious business. Still, reality kicks in. I just don't feel ready, but I am open to change...


To Brighten things up, here is a Birthday Cake I found on the web.

all of you
who are reading this,  
you deserve a big slice of cake.                 

There's definitely enough to go around. In the cyber world, this cake has infinite slices ! ◕‿◕ jokes***


Google +plus put this especially on your Birthdays, this kind of made me feel special. I think the little things are what makes your world a little magical. 



Saturday, July 6, 2013

❤ My First Blog Post ❤

After a seriously looonnnng.... long extremely looonnng time of procrastinating. Judging by how I tried to spell out the word long, it is as if I was saying it out to emphasize. 2 months and 2 days to be precise, indeed chronic procrastination. Atlas, here it is ! 

I am writing this as my first blog post and I am proud to say that I have finally crawled out from that hole I dug to hide my self-conscious. I mean I have nothing to be conscious about and nothing can be like 100% perfect even if you to like the go to the nano scale of things. 

To be honest here, I get afraid of what others may think. To put things simple, I over think things.

I am the type of person that would get afraid or "Self Conscious' if I changed my profile picture or even post anything on Facebook. 

(Here's a link to my Facebook profile to show I'm not kidding. If you see a picture of myself, that means I have succeeded. However, you can find a picture of a flower/lotus on my photos tab in that profile page.)

As of now, I am conscious if I change my current picture which is currently a picture of a lotus to an actual picture of myself because I am afraid of what my friends on Facebook might think.

Or what horrible comments I would be getting or.... I get no response at all! The most agonising of things is not getting any likes. :(    Sounds ridiculous... I know.

So I guess in retrospect, my current profile picture on Facebook is a hole that I haven't actually crawled out from. 

I know from the deepest part of my heart and of course my brain, that I m not ugly or horrendously horrible to look at.

Well here's a picture of me : 

That's me... without filter and no self-consciousness. Just plain me.

Through much contemplating, I have thought maybe, just maybe through this blog I can help me grow out of my self-consciousness and be confident. It was not like I never was confident, being a perfectionist is what ruined it. 

Well for example, I feel that I am not good enough/perfect enough to post my picture for people to see or just not prefect enough to get good responses or whatever it is. This thing in my mind just goes beyond logic and should be put to a stop. I mean like I see my friends with this face that I got, I m not sure what they are thinking but 'geez" it's not a problem. It's not like I'm deformed or anything! 

It just got to stop...

Furthermore, I see girls on Facebook that post #selfies and to my opinion they don't have desirable features or reach my perfection standards but yet they get more likes than I thought they should have. What's going on ??? 

I'm not trying to be mean here but after seeing that, it just motivates me to prove to myself that I should accept who I am and be happy that I am in fact normal.

People tell me I'm not alone, tons of girls feel this way all around the world.

SO From today, (hopefully) I'm not going to be part of that statistic!  :)

 ~ ~ ~ Okay, here's something to out of this topic..... way off. ~ ~ ~

This was my supposed first post that should have been posted on the 5th of May 2012 but  I kind of  thought and felt what I had discussed above... unfortunately I didn't continue with it. 

" Rain + Wind = Cold

It is now 7:31:55, I'm still wide awake with a rumble in my tummy. It's been roughly been 17 hours since I last slept. While I was typing this, Bruno Mars was singing "When I was your man" seeming like a  personal concert through my earphones. 

A series of events happened the past few hours ago,  as a Malaysian I among the millions were waiting for the long awaited change that was about to occur in Malaysian history. Still believing in democracy, I stayed on Facebook keeping myself posted to the new feeds about the voting results. All hopes were high when PKR was in the lead. While all this was happening, I was chatting to my boyfriend on Skype discussing various relationship issues as usual... Nothing new here. This all happened in about 3 - 4 hours. 

In that period of time, there was an apparent blackout that occurred in Puterajaya where the votes were counted and after ten minutes later a ballot appeared out of nowhere so they did the count again. "

It's sad this story didn't go anywhere after that full stop but I guess most of you out there (assuming you are Malaysian) already know this story.